from carolee schneemann correspondence

"...Somehow we should not have to become what we are not - more good, more bad - it all depends on what we really need to be. Two levels of needs though; primary - what we admit we want and secondary - something we may not admit which works against the primary. I have had these straightened out for me very brutally and it is as your letter states, a realization between art and life. When my life was most a nightmare (Wayne's leaving) the art - like a monster - gained a devouring strength for itself, developing in spite of my misery and carrying me along, a crazed puppet: misery "it" did seem to use as would a crippled magician sending a servant into horrors which the magician could then vicariously comprehend, and worse, transform into glorious spectacles. The servant is forever trapped in the wonder role the magician creates. The servant - or life capacity -  is tragically replaceable no matter how all art-magician discoveries seem to depend on her ...no, but the art cannot be replaced or if it dies the servant in us is mutilated and tries always for a double entendre role: to make life an art: to make life like art, endlessly adapting the wilds art-magician tricks to temporal utility...(they will appear in the soup, in an orderly closet). ...All extremes seem to be very nourishing for me..."